Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Tiger Woods needs to stop the girls he cheated with in new game!
Atom has posted a new game where you must use well timed drives to hit the ho’s he cheated on his wife with via golf balls! CLICK HERE to try it out.
I think Tiger Woods needs to hire Charlie Sheen’s publicist and he’ll be in the clear! Maybe he should do a guest appearance in Two & A Half Men to soothe the public? He could be Jake’s illegitimate father? It worked for Michael Richards making fun of himself in season 7 of Curb Your Enthusiasm! What have you got to lose Tiger? Maybe millions upon millions more in endorsements and sure, your wife has moved away to an island! But you’ve still got the clothes on your back….unless Nike backs out too, but we all know they are the kings of doing awful things and still remaining fully in tact!
Adam Banks, Mighty Ducks Legend, serving up shots in LA!
Remember back in 1992 when coach Bombay managed to turn a group of misfit kids into a champion hockey team? Who could forget! While speaking with my friend Steph she told me about an adventure she had while in LA and I thought I’d share it with you.
While it was one of their last nights in LA they decided to hit up Beauty Bar where they saw the one and only Adam Banks from the Mighty Ducks working as a bartender! After a couple of drinks she went up to him to order a Jager shot and while he was pouring pulled out this gem! She said: “Woah, you went from slapping shots to making them” haha, what a legend, he “smiled” but was clearly not impressed. She made it alright by adding “Bombay was right for letting you play in the final game, your wrist healed nicely”. Golden. The icing on the cake is shortly after that her roommate went up to him and made a similar comment about his wrist! HAHA, that has to be suicidal shit. Can you imagine how often he must get “ADAM BANKS!” yelled at him or genius lines like Stephs?
Do any of you have spectacular stories like that?
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Jersey Shore, MTV, A girl getting punched and so much more.
If you don’t know what Jersey Shore is then you must really live under a rock..and I’m truly jealous and wish to join you to avoid future incidents like knowing who these people are. When I first heard about it I figured another piece of garbage churned out by MTV to ruin society and I was right. The problem is it’s so bad that everyone loves it, friends of mine speak of it regularly. The great thing about this that unfortunately launched it into massive popularity and is such a catch 22 is that one of these retards was punched in the face…and it was a female! I know women abuse is wrong, but you know how sometimes a minor gets charged as an adult? That’s like this, you must excuse the rules…this piece of work wanted to quit the show after 2 days because she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention..after being filmed taking off most of her clothes and getting into a hot tub with people, lifes so hard.
It’s great when good things happen to good people! Right? Well it’s the same when bad things happen to bad people! Hitler dying? Awesome! Saddam getting caught? Yay! Well “Snooki” getting punched in the face isn’t as big, but it’s not far off. Perhaps the next big step is making a show of people like Lauren from the Hills spin kicking Heidi in the throat or some crap like that. Maybe they can start some like “Hills Vs Shore: A Stab fest”! I’d tune in to encourage the longevity of that!
Snooki, here’s to many more hits in the face!
Sidenote: The puncher was a highschool teacher and lost his job over this hahaha.
Is it normal to fantasize about… a Google Search Experiment.
You know how you can google anything in the world and more often than not google will give you suggestions for what you are looking for? Well I decided to try typing questions and see what it suggests based on what people often search.
My first test:
“Is it normal to fantasize about…”, here’s some that were suggested:
…your sister: 155,000 results.
…your mom: 91,200 results.
…your cousin: 25,300 results.
I would have definitely figured cousin would be above mum or sister! But yet again the world has proven me wrong.
“I feel bad for…”
…people that don’t drink: 51,900,000 results.
…Tiger Woods: 2,530,000,000 results.
…Robert Pattison: 79,400,000 results.
HAHA Robert Pattison?
“Is it weird to…”
…shave your pubic hair: 615,000 results.
…to call a guy babe: 40,800,000 results.
…to date a guy shorter than you: 250,000,000 results.
Post some other good ones to google, lets see what we can come up with.
Penis Rub.
Today a friend of mine was discussing a certain bar that shall go unnamed because the bar itself had nothing to do with this dilemma but regardless I went there and instantly saw myself getting checked out by a young man with a moustachio. I sat down having a drink when this particular gentleman walked by me and decided to throw this move out there, he walked past, penis facing me (in his pants of course) and as he graced by raised up on his tippy toes and rested his penis on my knee while walking by in a penis ledge swoosh motion. Now, I have to give him credit because he was suave, ol slick rick trying to pull a fast one on me, but little does he know I invented that move. Ok, so maybe I’m lying, but you need to be a fucking stealth assassin to pull a fast one like that on me. I shrugged it off and walked over to the bar to get another drink. While standing at the bar this same young man came back from the restroom and of course deciding between dick or ass gave me the dick pass and leaned in a little too close giving me a dabble of dick rub. It was then I decided to call it quits and leave the bar never to return.
My friends chuckled at my misfortunes but this isn’t the first time, nor do I expect it to be the last. Just the other day while vintage game shopping I went to stop by a pawn shop where this gay gent often throws me glances. It was closed so I went to the shop a couple of stores down and I guess that one belongs to his parents because he was in there and due to the fact there was narrow aisle space he had the opportunity to walk by, give me the knob and throw out a solid penis rub.
There’s nothing you can do to prep, except maybe wear one of those joke handshake shockers on your ass, HAHA, that would be amazing, but very very unpractical. Back to the drawing board.
Also, I’ve noticed traffic is drastically increasing which is amazing and astonishing for this blog and it’s encouraging me to stay at this now that I have a new working computer. That said, if any porno production companies are reading this and want to make an assload of cash please contact me!
And the winner of most embarrassing hair that likely made you everybodies bitch in prison award goes to….
THIS GUY.
He was arrested in a barber shop mid way through having his hair done and even offered police officers $1,000 to let him finish having his hair done. Hands down I would easily turn down a grand just for the million dollars worth of laughs I’d have forever being the one responsible for someone to have a mugshot like that!
Log your poo with new iPhone app.
It’s hilarious when a friend comes up with an idea for a website (that doesn’t work anymore, I’m pretty sure everything ever is on the internet except for my one secret idea i’m always trying to make exist) and of course it’s already out there but now you can also get an APP for it.
The new Poo log (I’ve always hated the word poo and how punny of log to be in there) crushes Steve’s dreams and covers everything with letting you time it, record it’s stats and do trivia. I honestly feel like nothing shocks us anymore, soon Kanye is going to have to dress up in a Nazi SS costume wearing a skinned George Bush face at an awards ceremony to pull another desperate media attention grab.
If you want to buy the new poo app click the image below:
Chinese baby is pregnant at the age of one.
That was a headline I read and when I clicked on the link I found THIS article. Still pretty mental, a one year old with a baby inside her stomach but not quite the same as actually being pregnant.
This made me want to see what other weird headlines existed and here’s a few I found:
“Miners refuse to work after death”
“Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over”
“Prostitutes appeal to Pope”
“Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency”
In other news we may have a podcast for the world shortly. We’ll keep you posted on whether it actually happens or not.
Myworldpopulationme gets hip! MOBILE STYLEZ.
That’s right, our website is apparently designed to look exactly like it does on your computer but now on your phone! In celebration I am going to begin to post more frequently like the old days, maybe not THAT often, but more than once every 2-3 months.
Going bald? We can help.
I came up with a theory after I had a cast on and upon taking it off noticed my hair was thicker compared to my arm that didn’t have a cast. Apparently it’s due to the fact that in your short hair cycle the new hair pushes out the old hair, but since it is protected by the cast it stays in for awhile and can come out with a simple scrub.
This gave me an idea, if you’re going bald and want to keep those sexy locks of yours then put a cast on your head for awhile, sure you may look dumb for awhile but the end result is worth it, a healthy, thick, luscious set of hair…just don’t wash it afterwards.
Don’t thank me, just doing my part for the world.