My World Population Me

Author Archive

Speaking of Mormons, I was watching that show mentioned in the previous post and what I believe was the eldest male in the family proposed to his girlfriend and after doing so & she said yes he hugged her with excitement. He said he had to really fight the urges to kiss her…yes, to kiss her! This made me wonder..if they are waiting to have sex until after they are married and like most humans I assume they look forward to the day they do it, how do they fix this to make sure they aren’t waiting too long?

From the research I’ve found, the average age for someone to get married in the US is 26.8 for males and 25.1 for females. Can you guess what it is for Mormons?

22.3 for males and 21.0 for females! Clever clever horny mormons.

“she does! and i do! amen! now lets forget the dong bags and knock boots!”

Have you seen this show? Its about a mormen family that has 18 children (it was 17 hence the name) but the mother can’t stop popping them out. They said she cannot give birth in the normal fashion anymore because her insides are so messed up!

Ash said “they should just pull the plug out & let the baby drop right out”, but it’s true, it must be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. I can’t imagine giving birth that many times! To boot they have named every child starting with a j, I didn’t even know there were 18 j names out there.

At the end of the episode they showed the whole family by the mothers bed side & it was so creepy, it’s like the fucking children of corn! Moral of the story is don’t have a million babies, I swear her insides will just fall out of her soon!

I love when porno’s are made & use a name that’s similar to movie titles, examples of this?

Shaving Ryans Privates
Clock Work Orgy
Forrest Hump
Pulp Friction
Buffy the Vampire Layer
Teenage Mutant Ninja Dildoes
Rambone
Monty’s Python and the Holey Girl
E-Three: The Extra Testicle
In Diana Jones

So I thought I’d see if I could come up with some of my own:

Grandma’s Toy
Got Rod
Alice in Bonerland
The Prodfather
The Prodfather: Part II
Citizen Kame
Slutdog Millionaire
Sperminator
The Curious Case Of Ben jammin Butt
The Jizzer Of Oz
Poundhog Day
Lock, Cock & Two Poking Bare Holes

haha I know what my career’s going to be. I’ll make these after my big break through porn (see a few posts back for more information. If you or someone you know has contact to a good porn production company please get in touch with me.)

haha his face!

I was talking with the legendary Paul “Evil” Jackson and we were discussing how gross a new born looks. It’s covered in goo and insides and looks just awful. We solved this.

Why is it that when someone passes away they are all done up to look better than when they were alive but when they are born they are left all natural and sick. They should have a lady sitting under the bed the lady is giving birth in that has a little make-up set up and when that little shit pops out they can spray it down, wipe off residue, apply some blush, cover-up, eye shadow, shiny lip gloss, etc etc and then present it to the mother..it’ll look SO beautiful. Everyone knows a girl only looks good with make-up on, babies are no different.

Make the right decision, hire the myworldpopulationme baby make up team and we’ll send a professional make-up artist to your birthing (for the right price..but seriously we’ll get you a professional artist) and you can have the most modelerific new born in the ward! Your very own Anne Geddes!

photo cred to the onion!

Why do love handles get such a kind sounding name? Even “muffin top” sounds quite pleasant, BUT, muffin tops are not so pleasant. Nowhere else on the body sounds so magical on the ears, gunt? not so much grace! cankles? double chin? sausage fingers? pot belly? spare tire? bingo wings? cottage cheese bum?

What if gunts were called candy mountains? cankles were pillow blends? pot bellies were teddy swells? or maybe love handles and muffin tops should be renamed, with these cute names its like “oh look at my love handles! precioussss”. It should be like “gross, I need to get rid of my greasy fat swells” or muffin tops could be “lardy spill overs”, it may encourage people to not let it get beyond that and we’ll have a healthier planet.

Sorry friends, due to technical difficulties we were unable to provide a daily update for the last week. Record breaking cold temperatures knocked the power out just before I left on an adventure for a week and I was without electricity and the interweb to post such updates. Things will be back to normal as of tomorrow and you can check back daily for your fix.

I’m backkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

I am going to admit this to you since we’re best friends and best friends should be able to tell each other these kinds of things…I was once a boy scout…for like 4 years (plus a few years in Beavers & Cubs).

We did exciting things like play some game where we had to choo-choo train each other, find kindling, canoe, widdle, and more. One camping trip we took was to Wisconsin where we slept in little tents, practiced bow & arrows, target practice with pellet guns and swam in freezing water at 5am. These were the more fun aspects, on a not so awesome note we were also stuck in a massive storm, a tornado touched down really close to us, one of the biggest tree’s I’ve ever seen was hit by lightning and nearly crushed us & I was bitten by 3 ticks, 1 of which gave me lyme disease (I was the first case to be cured by the disease in the world, fact). So I raped it and gave him aids. Ok, I didn’t, tick – 1, me – 0.

I guess it could have been worse, my scout leader could have molested me…which would be really awkward because my scout leader was my dad.

I was talking to my girlfriend the other day because things have been a little rocky as of late and it needed to change. I told her “listen, you’re almost a teenager and it’s about time you start acting like one! You’re roaming around with no direction and a mature and stable individual like myself can’t waste anymore time with a useless twat like you until you can commit yourself to something”. She was obviously pretty bummed, by pretty bummed I mean she was devastated but I can’t blame her, I’m a catch.

Anyways, her mum just called me today to say she finally committed herself to something, I was proud of her, the unfortunate thing was that it was to suicide.

I decided today I’ll write a poem for everyone because I haven’t written a poem in years, Shakespeare would be proud.

Oh babes, won’t you please do something for me
something so sweet it’ll fill me with glee
something so fantastical I’ll drip drops of pee
please lover won’t you do this for me

won’t you hum my balls in the lowest octave you can go
will you raise and lower the notes to and fro
won’t you go as long as you can possibly go
I ask you try and mimic the sound of an oboe

or sound like the singer from the crash test dummies
you can crouch, you can bend or you can get on your knees
you can do this and i won’t call you a sleaze
my pleasure box is locked and baby you got the keys

Welcome to Myworldpopulationme.com! We are busy at work with new things for the website and we thank you for all of your support! Please bookmark (command + D on macs) the new address and share it with your friend! Your one single friend!

With the new server and domain it’s easier to get to the website, you lazy shits have to type 10 letters less and we’re happy because we are hosted by wonderful individuals that will let us do anything we damn well please. Unfortunately all previous comments are gone due to the switch but we encourage you to try being social and contribute your input, converse a little and maybe you’ll swoon us and we’ll get to second base together. New design coming asap.

Please continue to check back daily and enjoy all that is ahead in this 2009 year on myworldpopulationme.com.

smooches and awkward hugs.