My World Population Me

Archive for January, 2010

I want to pat Gary Starkweather (what a last name) and Xerox on the back. Back in the 70′s they revolutionized the printer world by creating the laser printer. HP stepped it up and did something even cooler…they made the worlds first mass produced printer for people called the HP “Laser Jet” printer. Can you think of anything more boring turned bad ass sounding then that? A LASER JET PRINTER! “Oh your printer can do a page in 5 minutes? Yeah well mine has laser’s and jet’s put into it, I just haven’t been able to find how to use it yet but oh man, when I do…WATCH OUT!”.

If I was Xerox I would have stepped it up one further with “Laser Jet Missile Dagger Tank Robo-Printer”. That shit would have sold out instantly and crumbled any competitors with its Laser blasting Jet flying Missile launching Dagger stabbing Tank tough Robotic ways!

Can you come up with other things out there that sound way more bad ass then they actually are?

You know how girls do that weird thing where their vagina bleeds, well now Mac’s joining in with the likes of Tampax and the such to create the iPad. Wait? What? Oh, sorry, I’m being told by my associates I’m horribly mistaken. Well, unless they do some changes it seems that a lot of people are disappointed and that’s all these things may be used for in the end, cramming up a vajayjay.

It’s been mere minutes but already the internet is flooded with updates on the new “magical” iPad, in fact, twitter is experiencing problems due to the high yammering going on! I’m not sold. Basically this thing, like many are saying, is a gigantic iPhone. Although I find some features are cool, it still has a long ways to go.

If it’s running a similar if not identical operating system to the iPhone that means streaming videos is going to suck and be picky. Flash often doesn’t play and I can only hope they have it set up to view regular versions of pages instead of receive the “mobile adapted ones” which means the majority of people lose out on the good free porn websites.

I’m really shocked it doesn’t seem to have a camera! Now how are our future daughters supposed to show their tits to men twice their age on Stickam?!? I thought the whole reason we were developing this thinner & smaller technology was so that we could hide it and capture unspeakable things?

Those are the most important…other things like crappy multi-tasking’less options (having to close one app to get to another is lame Mac) as well as other things I’d like to see like developing a small control to blue tooth to the system for better gaming because lets be honest, the controls aren’t superb on iPhones and if they made it better could really jump into this gaming market.

Steve Jobs, you are a smart man..but you really need to give the people what they want…hover boards.

The new iPad

***THANKS TO JAMES FOR HIS COMMENT, Mac should have researched this a bit better, but makes my post even better haha***

There’s nothing anyone loves more then sharing with each other the latest degrading sexual act that 99.9% of the population has never tried. Families, youth groups & the like often sit around with some warm cocoa, biscuits (or bis-quee for our French readers) and say “My favorite is the one legged pirate; for this you are having sex with a girl, kick her in the shin so she starts hopping, cum in her eye and then when she covers it up with her hand, ta da, one legged pirate”. There’s a tremendous amount of these and I encourage you to contribute your favorites or ones you have created.

Over the holidays I came up of one of my own, it goes a little something like this:

The Ultra Sound.
You start by having sex with the girl, when you begin to orgasm you start to cum inside her but you pull out half way through and finish cumming on her stomach. Then you make a fist, place that fist in the semen on her skin and rub it all around her belly. Awww, that semen made a beautiful little boy! Gonna be a socca playa! YAY! The Ultra Sound!

If you force sex upon a prostitute, is it rape…
or shoplifting?

Thoughts?

So due to the fact that I’ve become tremendously immersed in hockey again I thought I would do a MyWorldPopulationMe sports edition. A couple of days ago in Russia two teams in the under 10 years old league were having a game when suddenly a massive team brawl broke out between the two! Yes! A BRAWL…in -10 hockey. The Russians are generally quite tough & can be scary (remember that whole U.S.S.R incident), but they are not known to be the most intimidating in hockey…but I guess they are working on changing that. Check out these little scoundrels going at it in the video below.

If I had a peewee hockey team I would secretly hire a midget & make sure he shaved his beard clean then throw hockey equipment on him. It would blend right in, then make him the enforcer & he would pave down hundreds of small children leading my team to ultimate victory. I think his only role would be an enforcer as adults generally do not have the piss & vinegar that youth contain so scoring may not be his forte, but we’ve all got a role to play.

I’m trying to look up comparisons on the average midget/dwarf to see where they stand for energy, power, strength, etc compared to your average child and adult but no luck. If I can suss it out soon I’ll share it with you all. Oh ya, here’s that video:

There’s an Electric Magnolia Co. song that has the lyric “I’ve been as lonesome as the world’s first ghost” which came up in a discussion my roommate Ash and I had today. We discussed what it would be like to be the world’s first ghost and Ash had this theory:

She would find a best friend and haunt the shit out of them. She would disguise herself so they never knew it was actually her and would fuck with their minds so hard that they would commit suicide. Then, she solves her solution by no longer being the world’s first ghost, all alone, because now she’s got a friend. Hopefully they would be so stoked to see her that they would either FORGET she’s the reason they are a ghost or be comforted to know they will no longer be haunted.

Ash, I wish you all the best.

What would you do if you were the world’s first ghost? Would you Clay Aiken it up and “Just watch you in your room”?…(Wait…I Already Am)

We were playing Call Of Duty Modern Warfare 2 (who isn’t these days?) when one gentlemen asked another the following (the pot head, who had 420 as his clan name and titles/emblems filled with marijuana leaves will be called 420):

Guy: Hey dude…is your name supposed to be dragon? Or dragoon?
420: Dragon…but I was really stoned when I made it and spelt dragoon.

hahahaha dragoon, this is why I love pot heads.

Atom has posted a new game where you must use well timed drives to hit the ho’s he cheated on his wife with via golf balls! CLICK HERE to try it out.

I think Tiger Woods needs to hire Charlie Sheen’s publicist and he’ll be in the clear! Maybe he should do a guest appearance in Two & A Half Men to soothe the public? He could be Jake’s illegitimate father? It worked for Michael Richards making fun of himself in season 7 of Curb Your Enthusiasm! What have you got to lose Tiger? Maybe millions upon millions more in endorsements and sure, your wife has moved away to an island! But you’ve still got the clothes on your back….unless Nike backs out too, but we all know they are the kings of doing awful things and still remaining fully in tact!

Remember back in 1992 when coach Bombay managed to turn a group of misfit kids into a champion hockey team? Who could forget! While speaking with my friend Steph she told me about an adventure she had while in LA and I thought I’d share it with you.

While it was one of their last nights in LA they decided to hit up Beauty Bar where they saw the one and only Adam Banks from the Mighty Ducks working as a bartender! After a couple of drinks she went up to him to order a Jager shot and while he was pouring pulled out this gem! She said: “Woah, you went from slapping shots to making them” haha, what a legend, he “smiled” but was clearly not impressed. She made it alright by adding “Bombay was right for letting you play in the final game, your wrist healed nicely”. Golden. The icing on the cake is shortly after that her roommate went up to him and made a similar comment about his wrist! HAHA, that has to be suicidal shit. Can you imagine how often he must get “ADAM BANKS!” yelled at him or genius lines like Stephs?

Do any of you have spectacular stories like that?

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If you don’t know what Jersey Shore is then you must really live under a rock..and I’m truly jealous and wish to join you to avoid future incidents like knowing who these people are. When I first heard about it I figured another piece of garbage churned out by MTV to ruin society and I was right. The problem is it’s so bad that everyone loves it, friends of mine speak of it regularly. The great thing about this that unfortunately launched it into massive popularity and is such a catch 22 is that one of these retards was punched in the face…and it was a female! I know women abuse is wrong, but you know how sometimes a minor gets charged as an adult? That’s like this, you must excuse the rules…this piece of work wanted to quit the show after 2 days because she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention..after being filmed taking off most of her clothes and getting into a hot tub with people, lifes so hard.

It’s great when good things happen to good people! Right? Well it’s the same when bad things happen to bad people! Hitler dying? Awesome! Saddam getting caught? Yay! Well “Snooki” getting punched in the face isn’t as big, but it’s not far off. Perhaps the next big step is making a show of people like Lauren from the Hills spin kicking Heidi in the throat or some crap like that. Maybe they can start some like “Hills Vs Shore: A Stab fest”! I’d tune in to encourage the longevity of that!

Snooki, here’s to many more hits in the face!

Sidenote: The puncher was a highschool teacher and lost his job over this hahaha.