Archive for August, 2009
Saying things you shouldn’t be saying while intoxicated.
The other day I somehow magically got a little tipsy. This isn’t so much a problem until you have to be found by your roommate by giving her a description that you’re on a patch of grass and you are followed by the police and likely would have been taken into the station if it weren’t for the fact that she’s sober and you’re 1/2 a block from your house and as they let you off you yell “mind your business pigs or i’ll slit your bacon throats”.
I have NOTHING against the fine law enforcements keeping our mean streets safe, I think drunk obnoxious people need to be calmed down & I’m not one to threaten someone I don’t know; especially officers. I was very lucky they likely couldn’t understand my slurring and that only few people like my roommate possess the skills to understand me. Perhaps I need to talk to someone about this problem, it’s one thing when it’s a joke to friends like “come hang or i’ll stab you with a friendship pencil”…or maybe I should just stop drinking. Neither is very likely, i’ll likely get shot or arrested first and I don’t blame them, but c’mon, can’t we be friends? bacon throat slicing friends?
Do you remember any great drunk quotes?
Illnesses are the new swear words.
Humans are odd. We choose to do really weird things, act in crazy ways and say things that don’t really make sense. Profanity for example comes to mind. I find myself sometimes saying things like “the dude was such a dick fuck”..really? a dick fuck?
Fuck, it’s such a weird word. You can say “Fuck that fucking fuck” and it works. I know people try and use other words like “gay” for example, saying “you’re gay”, “that’s gay” & “this is gay” are quite common. The word retard, same thing, “you’re a retard”, “that’s retarded”, etc. But one thing you don’t really hear that I wonder if it will ever catch on is using diseases/illnesses as slang.
“She dumped you? That’s super aids’ee”
“Would you shut up, you’re so diabetic”
&
“Look at this whiny slut, bitch’s got malaria or sumthin’!”
I feel like that’s the next big thing in profanity. So if you hear your children saying “I’m grounded?!? You dumb aids breath” you know who to thank.