My World Population Me

I am going to clear this up for the world because, well, it honestly needs to be fixed. Humans have progressed in an ok manner..I mean, it sucks we can’t fly or use transporters or cure aids, but the WORST thing we have yet to sort out is line etiquette.

Seriously, for some reason when we as humans enter a line we become the biggest tits! It’s like everyone woke up with severe cramps, the store is on fire and you have explosive diarrhea that’s ready to blow. When I go to a store like Shoppers Drug Mart for example, I approach the tills where there is one on my left and one on my right I stand right in the middle & EVERY time some wrinkly pruney shreddie smelling old person or snobby posh spaz comes up behind me and goes “excuse me knob demon, what line are you in?”..ok, maybe they don’t call me a knob demon, but basically they are and it offends me and my reply is always “WHATEVER FUCKING LINE IS OPEN NEXT!!!!” I was there before you, I should go next! Why the fuck should I get stuck behind the asshole in front of me trying to return a pencil while you get scan/pay/leave within a minute.

This also holds up for when someone says “I’m open at line 3 now”, this does not mean even though you are 27 positions back from putting your hungry man & litre-a-cola down on the conveyor you get to run and be the next to pay, you wait your FUCKING TURN!!!!

I’m going to apply to Dominion to get a job similar to a traffic cop at an intersection with broken lights but for lines. I’ll wear a mesh vest 3 sizes too big and blow an obnoxious whistle pointing at people with my laser pointer and directing them to the next available till.

Make sure you practice line etiquette from now on and together we’ll improve humanity! Next stop aids! Or transporters! ..ya, transporters first! they bring more happiness!

I'll wear this and direct the lines, disobey and die via laser blast!!!!

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