Mighty Mormon Power Garments
Today I learnt that Mormon’s have special underpants and it blew my mind. Looking into it I found this on the mormon-underwear.com website (yes that is a real website):
For temple-going Mormons, the garment serves much the same purpose as religious clothing throughout history—it privately sets them apart from the world and signifies a covenant between the wearer and God.
That’s AMAZING! They even have a special section for misconceptions like how their garments do not have knee and nipple protectors (I’m sure everyones first question when they think of underwear..) or how boys do not masterbate in them since they do not get to wear them until they are an adult and masterbation is wrong.
What happens though if someone has poor hygiene and skid stains them? Is he “shitting” on God? I even heard some people when bathing will keep it to the side of their bath so their arm can at least still make contact with it to remain constantly close with God. The website said they want to remain with them as much as possible to have an even longer covenant with God.
Who came up with this idea?!? If I was sitting around a table with people brain storming, thinking of something symbolic to represent our connection to God and someone said “hey gang, what about special underwear?” I would hold a counsil meeting and vote him off the fucking team! Put your torch out, pack your bags, get the fuck up outta dodge.
No wonder God likes them so much! So seductive!
Weird, I usually just buy my no-sex pro-god power undies at honest eds. e-mormons!